We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She's JV to your varsity
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
