Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
