i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
