my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
