I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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