How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
