i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
