I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
