I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
