i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
