She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
