If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize