Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
