A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
