How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
