Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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