People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
