Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
