i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize