Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
