i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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