i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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