You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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