new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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