if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
