Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize