Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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