Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
