I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
