oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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