You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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