It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
