I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I look better un-naked...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
