I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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