I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
