At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
