Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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