I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
