I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize