The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i will never coherently bang her
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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