cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
