4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
