I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
