He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
