It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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