My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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