i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
