I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize