Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
