My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
