I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
