So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
