I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
