If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
