i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
