yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize