Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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