party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
