I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize