Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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