Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
