I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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