Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
