Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
