thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
