Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
