Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize